dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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