Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
