Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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