Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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