guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think your dad took our porno
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
