The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
