I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
