1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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