I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
