So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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