she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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