belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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