I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
