Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
