Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
