Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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