Pappa wants mamma naked
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize