this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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