i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
