my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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