DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
