My liver just broke up with me...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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