after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
