So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
