U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize