I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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