just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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