my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
