Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
