I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize