I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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