I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
