I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
