Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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