hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
