guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
