Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
