My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
