did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
