i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
