I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm getting married
To pizza
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
