"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do herpes really smell.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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