:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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