Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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