she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
