I want to have your abortion
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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