he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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