Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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