This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Found the puke drawer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize