Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
