it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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