dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
