I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize