never play flip cup with pint glasses
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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