I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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