It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
