I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
