This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
