Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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