why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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