ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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