so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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