this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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