I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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