im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
