and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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