He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're making bets on your personal life
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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