well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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