I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
