Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize