The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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