I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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