Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
