Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
