Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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